Sometimes when we hurt it leaves layers of scars much like an onion. When we decide to forgive and really feel it in our hearts, it's as refreshing as a new haircut. Then one day, we come across a part of the scar that is still there. We wonder why it's still there-then we realize this time we have to forgive ourselves for being so stupid or naive. In really deep scars, there's the incident itself. The layer of being angry about why things have to happen in the first place and a longing for a justification of some sort. That layer too must go, if we are to heal.
I do a visualization technique which helps me peel back the layers. I just find that sometimes when I get too busy for an extended period of time, things start to build up-the annoyances, disappointments, and frustrations. When I'm relaxed and centered, I can let things go pretty easily. But, when I've been running on near empty for too long, depleting my own natural resourcefulness, I need to refuel. I imagine sending the people I'm worried or angry with, or even myself up an escalator to God. If it's an incident, I visualize the scenario and throw it in a box, close it quick and send it up the conveyor belt along with the others. It helps! I always had a hard time grasping the concept of forgiveness. It was something you hear, and you know you need it but no one ever really clarifies how you do it with words or actions (at least not to me). And, my thoughts certainly weren't taking me there. So, I found this the easiest way for me to move on, and forgive. I'm very visual so this works for me. If you got really big issues, start with the small ones first. Pick the annoying coworker, and wave as you send him off. I bet next time you see him in the office, if you did it right, you won't feel the usual cringe you used to when you saw him. If you're atheist, you can visually send them off to another galaxy. I mentioned the layers because if something is still sticking after doing this, then you have to look at the incident from the various angles and peel back each one of the layers. Acknowledge them and send them away.