Skip to main content

Feeling My Pulse

I have found that blogging is a good way for me to feel my own pulse. I read through my past posts, and it puts me at a time and place in my life. There are so many moments I find blog-worthy. Ironically, I find it hardest to write about things I enjoyed the most. I wanted to write a great review to a play that I saw, or a trip that I took, but I was paralyzed on how to begin. I remember the advice from writing books I’ve read tell me to begin, and I do. I’m currently sitting on a collection of drafts that I’m waiting for a wave of inspiration to roll through me so I can finish them off one evening with a glass of red wine.

Actually, it’s more like I’m waiting for this fatigue to finish wearing off so that when I do write, it can be pretty and clever, instead of tired and spent like I’ve been feeling. I was having one of those weeks were if I was a smoker in remission, I would have picked up a cigarette and had a long drawn out puff that would have shattered my months or even years of being smoke free. And, I wouldn’t even have cared. That’s why I haven’t ever tried to smoke. I know I would be addicted.

I didn't want to blog until I resolved what I was feeling at work. "At least I got a job… in this economy." became my mantra. I was hoping it would make me appreciate my job more. It didn’t. Even my usual Sunday morning run with the kids became stressed when my oldest teased my youngest about being competitive since he took the lead. At the end of the run, I knew I was out of patience so I put myself on time out on the parking lot curb between two cars without saying a word. I knew I had to change my outlook in order for things to really get better. I’m a master at the self-help concepts. I just have to find a hole of space and time to crawl into to do some meditation and visualization techniques without getting interrupted. The thing is people and obligations kept finding me. Even in the parking lot that day, one of the other runners in our group gave me a curious look and came to see what I was doing. I had family visiting, a birthday party to host, beautiful things that are part of life that we take for granted when we get anxious about the wrong things. At most I was able relax for a few moments but the anxiety was always right there underneath the surface. 

Then one evening, after my visiting family had left and things had gone back to normal, I went out to my balcony and stared out at the sky from my patio recliner in between reading Eat, Love, Pray. I saw planes pass by overhead that looked liked they were swimming across the sky. Slowly and finally, I began to feel more relaxed. Just like Molly Bang’s Sophie in the children’s book, When Sophie Gets Angry- Really, Really Angry, after seeing the stars and feeling the night’s cool breeze, the "wide world" comforted me. I climbed back down from my balcony to my house that was still a little loud and a little messy, but this time this Sofie wasn’t angry any more.


  1. Being present in the nature surrounding us when chaos abounds at our feet is very hard. That you know when you need to take a time out (even if only between parked cars) is commendable!

  2. I enjoyed discovering your blog and I like your perspective. I signed up to follow you.I also read Eat Pray Love and I enjoyed it. Matter of fact I wrote a post about it that you might enjoy reading. Stop over to my place, see what you think and join the party.

  3. Hey Sofia,
    I was feeling the same way about my job up till about a month ago when I quit. I 'm afraid meditation just didn't do it for me. I had reached the point where I needed to rewrite myself. Of course, I will have to go back to work. I'm giving myself till the end of the year to FIND myself again. But I'm finding it has a lot to do with changing my priorities and attitude. Steal a little time for yourself once in awhile and do what makes you happy.

  4. Shellie, I'm looking forward to reading about your adventures during your time off.

    Lynn, thanks. The hardest part is taking a breather and remembering to do so.

    Boomer Pie, I enjoyed visiting your site.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Went to Memoir-Writing Workshop

I went to a memoir-writing workshop recently. I don't want to be the girl who cries at the slightest thing but, in this case, I was. They asked the question: who told you, you can't write? We had to state our writing demons, and then write out the dialog between this inner critique and our retaliation to their remarks. Ultimately, it is only ourselves that can hold us back from our own dreams. But sometimes we've internalized the voices of others tell us that we can't.  I'd done this exercise before privately, in my own bed, in my own room, and in my own journal but never out loud. When we were done, we had to go around the table and read the dialog. I was picked the first to go. Before I could even let out a word, my throat choked up, my face turn red, and my eyes began to water. I read and cried. We all cried. I thought I had left all that hurt hidden away on paper somewhere, and there it was strangling me. I can't begin to describe that whole situation with …

Life Hack: DIY Bleacher Seat Cushion

One of the staples I keep in the truck of my car is my DIY bleacher seat cushion.
Its a flat thin recyclable bag with a folded picnic blanket inside.
This DIY is so simple, it seems too common sense to blog about. But I will since it phases me why anyone would buy one of those foam seat cushions I see on sale at sporting good stores and events. This one is on sale for $15!

My DIY bleach seat cusion is way more functional than a manufactured bleacher seat cushion which has only one purpose.

Having a blanket conviently stored inside makes it multifunctional.

 You have a blanket on hand for those chilly early morning meets. And any time we are at outdoor events with my mom or inlaws, I'm prepared for the evening cold for them as well.
 A shade for the afternoon sun.
Fold it length wise for a multiple seat cushion, to reserve extra seat space, or to spread out your legs.
(As a track mom of three sons, I can been on the bleachers for hours. I'm writing this blog from the bleachers.…

8 Ways To Say I Love My Life Show Review

The show, 8 Ways To Say I Love My Life And Mean It, returns to the New CASA Theater in Boyle Heights for a three week run. After winning an Imagen Award in 2009, the show is back with the release of the book that shares its name.

The book, 8 Ways to Say I Love My Life And Mean It, is a collection of stories from 8 Latina authors (Josefina Lopez, Susan Orosco, Nancy de Los Santos Reza, Bel Hernandez Castillo, Laura De Anda, Margo DeLeon, Rita Mosqueda Marmolejo, and Joanna Llizaliturri Diaz) about their journey to self-love and self-realization. Excerpts from the book were woven into 8 heartwarming monologues that inspire and uplift audiences.

I took two of my sisters and nieces to a preview of the show on Friday, November 2, for a girls night out. On our drive back home, we talked about the performances that resonated the most with each of us. I didn't have to ask my sister, who had been sobbing beside me during Pilar of Strength, a monologue written by Margo De Leon and performe…